August 10th (goodbye mr gray)

Had an interview at the Department for Education today. Found it interesting that there was a collection point for a food bank our church helps with. Not that I agree with the Conservatives regimes, but they always get slandered for their poor approach to low-income people, but there is never any mention of clear acts of charity in a governmental building.

Went to Peace Gardens afterwards, and after a sustained effort, finally finished The Picture of Dorian Gray, and can confirm it isn’t a prequel to the Fifty Shades series. It has its elements of fantasy, but none are sexual. Also bought an amazing new pan; thirty centimetres of pure frying potential.

In the evening, I made the executive decision that watching anime would be more entertaining than reading the bible. This judgement was probably true, but now I’m feeling the Song of Songs vibes.

August 3rd (bye bye bagels)

In a rare moment of accurate time management, I woke up early enough to float around dreamily, and get to work ten minutes early. I even managed to read the Bible like a good Christian, and pray! Then was the slow, unpublicised funeral of the leftover cinnamon and raisin bagels. As they’ve been taken of the menu, any remaining are being slowly consumed behind the scenes; sorrowful and scrumptious simultaneously.

After tea, I slotted in a lonely rave before ascending to my bedroom to rest in glory. In my head, I always think that long times of worship must equal the best encounters. God doesn’t need ages, but we do, and he makes himself patient for us.

July 25th (say no to the cake)

Had a lie in, and read Galatians to build up my bible points before going to Hillsborough to clean. Listened to Muse’s Drones album; one of the songs says, “I gave you everything, I can’t give you any more, now I’ve become just like you.” I feel this way when I try to give everything to Jesus to follow him, in the vain hope that I’ll become like him.

Then went to church for a few hours to do some admin stuff. If printers were more clearly formatted, I reckon it would improve office efficiency by fifty percent. Decided to do other jobs at home tomorrow. I find those offices so hard to work in; everyone is really nice, but they produce distractions that makes productivity impossible. 

Carried on reading The Picture of Dorian Gray in my war against educational stagnation. It’s started to build to a catastrophic conclusion. My resolve to say no to cake lasted less than twenty four hours, as against my will the rainbow cake found its way out of the freezer. Watched a few episodes of Friends after tea, to keep a healthy balance between anime. Otherwise, my mental image of relationships becomes too eternally dramatic.

July 22nd (strange trees)

Really manic day at The Cabin today. There was only one minute throughout the entire day when there wasn’t a food order. I enjoyed walking back; it was raining lightly, and the edges of trees always look different to me when it does. Perhaps I needed to wipe my glasses. 

Was super-excited to have the house to myself for the next few days, and capitalised on the opportunity by lying on my bed for half an hour, trying to work out how to break my boredom; a stark contrast from how I felt while working. I used to fill lots of my time with practicing music, but that doesn’t seem to fit anymore, although I did play guitar for quite a while. It’s so easy to just revert to screen-related relaxation, but I need to gather the mental energy to read a book so my intellect doesn’t start rotting.

July 21st (dying to self)

On the way to work, I saw an empty chocolate wrapper on the floor. This triggered a number of thoughts, which led to the question, “Why don’t we call double-decker buses, bunk buses instead?” It’s a much more efficient form of communication, and you still get an alliteration. The space-saving principle is the same as with bunk beds too. My latent linguistic powers are obviously strongest before nine o’clock.

No massive dramas happened at work, but I was in constant, low-level bewilderment that I was surviving from one moment to the next, with no real cause for alarm. Managed to spend about three hours not relaxing with Holyspirit before the revelation started flowing. 

People seem so fixated on discovering their calling, but I think that’s a largely irrelevant and time wasting question. I was thinking that I listen to music way more than playing, even on my own, but worship is one of the most visible ways I serve the church. But you have to die to your calling before you can really grasp it. 

It says in Philippians that Jesus didn’t consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; he made himself nothing by taking a servant’s nature. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death. Basically, Jesus had mad skills, but was more obsessed with helping others than building his own reputation.

July 1st (raisins)

Appreciated the synergy in the kitchen at The Cabin today. Although after being asked what my favourite fruit was, I was given the nickname “Raisins,” which was my (supposedly) amusing answer. I am baffled.

In pursuit of organic diversity, I headed to Sainsbury’s afterward to buy some trusty apples. I forgot to get an onion which I needed for tea, so was heading towards another shop near my home, but Holyspirit told me not to go. I don’t really understand why, and thought my curry would be a disaster, but we were able to compensate with mushrooms. Fortunately, the whole mealtime process only took an hour, instead of expanding into a sprawling mess that absorbed all the evening, as is usually the case.

After some anime, it was time for a late evening glory session. I listened to Enya’s album The Celts to make the book of Luke seem less dull. I was enjoying the lovely sounds, but eventually got round to some reading. Jesus says, “Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken away from them.” I always think this is brutal. But I think life is easier if we don’t focus on who we think we are and what we can do, and pay attention to what he says and gives instead. The other stuff has got to disappear at some point anyway.

A day in the life – May 14th (pursuing onions, and Jesus, but not necessarily tears)

Good start to the day with some solid worship at church. Then some of us were trying to find a place to eat afterwards, but we were wandering around Crookes in the rain being denied by establishment after establishment. In the end we landed in Casanova; obviously my Sicilian experience has not yet ended. It was good, although my spontaneous hankering for Indian has still not been quenched. The conversation was lit up, with one of the topics being my hatred of the horrific interior layout of the Co-op next door. 

After getting home, I baffled myself with my capacity to waste time. In two and a half hours, I managed to fall asleep in my chair reading, then visit Sainsbury’s twice (which was right near where we ate) solely to purchase a banana and onions.
I’ve decided to start listening to more worship music to pursue God’s presence. Initial thoughts tonight: instead of constantly spending time building towards a theoretical future where it’s clear to encounter God, focus on him. Colossians 1:22 says we’re “holy in his sight,” meaning there’s no more work to be done before we can see him. It’s called his presence because he’s present. The start of Psalm 103 helped me:
Bless the Lord, oh my soul

And let all that’s within me shout out